Have you and your spouse hit a wall in your marriage? Do you dread the notion of divorce, but don’t know what to do to recapture the love, feelings of togetherness, and the partnership you once enjoyed? If so, then there is a good chance that we can be of help to you.
We have been married for over thirty years, raised a number of children and have eighteen years of life coaching experience. Over the years, we have developed a very effective coaching method to help couples who are near or at the brink of breaking up to truly start over in their marriages. Everything we recommend to our clients made a real difference in our marriage, and is work that we, ourselves, practice every day.
Your relationship does not have to be an angry power struggle, filled with sadness, resentment, and other unhappy feelings. If you are willing to be honest, you can change anything that needs to be changed. The good news is that you are both probably right, and probably wrong about how you see your problems. The bad news is that the only way out of your problems is through them.
So, why not contact us for a free consultation? We will be happy to learn about your story, tell you more about our coaching method, and recommend a course of action.
What makes a good marriage work?
If you want your relationship to work, you must have three basic elements. First, you need to be really good friends. Second, you both must get your needs met. Third, you must be willing to meet each other halfway, instead of blaming each other, or wanting to “fix” the other person.
When you ask couples who have stayed together twenty, thirty, years or more who are still happy, they all agree that these three elements are essential in a marriage. In other words, a happy, fulfilling marriage does not happen magically or by accident. This certainly was true for us, and for all the couples we have successfully coached.
Our life coaching method is unlike many kinds of therapy that are past oriented. What we do is to guide and support our couples to take important actions in the present, so that they can get to know themselves and their partner better, acknowledge what isn’t working in their relationship, let go of past hurts and problems, and step into a brighter, more fulfilling future together.
To help you save your marriage, we will guide you to:
For your relationship, this will mean finding one half hour a day where you both simply talk to each other. At first, you will only share “headlines” and “feelings.” Over time, you will learn how to constructively discuss specific issues that need work, so that rather than being adversaries in your relationship, you will be allies.
For both of you, this will also mean taking time every day for self-reflection. First, you will learn how to recognize basic traits in yourselves that are both positive and negative. Next, you will learn how to be honest with yourself in order to own the negative. Then, you will learn how to practice new behaviors that include holding onto the positive, so that you can let go of the negative.
Over time, you will be able to use your new self-awareness to take responsibility for yourselves and positively transform your relationship. Then, instead of stagnating, your marriage will grow and thrive.
If this sounds impossible, trust us, taking this kind of action is much easier than you might imagine. By the time couples are open to this kind of work, they are usually so tired of being hurt and hurting one another, that they are ready to try something new.
The more you learn how to stop reacting, the more you will create the possibility to truly start over in your relationship, and walk out of your negative past toward a brighter, more fulfilling life together.
For example, instead of arguing about topics regarding money, sex, work, children, etc., you will learn to understand at a much deeper level why you are having these problems in the first place. Once you understand the reasons for these issues, you will be able to stop blaming each other, let go of the past, and make better choices as you go forward.
To help you save your marriage, we will also guide you to:
- Call a Truce
- Create a Level Playing Field between You
- Make Your Relationship the “Hub” of your Life
- Fight Fairly
- Express Needs Rather Than Demand Wants
- Lead with Praise before Criticism
- Let Go of “Good and Bad” Thinking
- Map your Goals for your Relationship
To help you save your marriage, we will “re-educate” you about:
- Your Unique Relational Style
- Your Spouse’s Unique Relational Style
- Why Men’s and Women’s Brains are So Different
To help you save your marriage, we will also guide you to restore:
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